How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
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Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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