My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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