I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I spit up blood this morning
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation