The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
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I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
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you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.