i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.