She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
