We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
