a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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