just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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