i was rollin on her like bob the builder
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize