I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
