I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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