I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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