So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.