Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.