Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
zippers are such a cool invention
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.