Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
and you fell through a lawn chair
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
