puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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