end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
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Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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