Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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