I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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