A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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