so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
