I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
