Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
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I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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