Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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