My nipple is on Facebook.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
