When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize