I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
third nipple confirmed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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