You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
