i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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