Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
