I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
