remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
