I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize