New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
