I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I cut my penus on the lid.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
