she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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