how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
