Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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