You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
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Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.