All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?