I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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