Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
