It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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