that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm at about main and main street
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
