you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
