dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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