I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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