I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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