Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
