I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
