Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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