Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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