just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize